Beautiful Boy (tie-In): A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction Paperback – September 4, 2018

My HS sweetheart and the father of my first born was an addict… I say was because he lost the battle to addiction on 8/8/22. It’s been almost 3 years since he’s been gone and all the emotions I’ve felt since the beginning of his addiction are described perfectly in this book. Addiction is hard for the addict but sometimes it’s harder to love an addict.

Good book

David’s experiences with Nic and the waves they ride through his addiction resonated with me. My son has been battling for 16 years. I found comfort in their experiences and their ability to maintain the vein of love amidst the catastrophe of addition. We do indeed live in the grey and only one day at a time.

It took me over 2 weeks to read this amazing book and I'm normally a 1-2 day per book person. Why? Because my own pain walking in David's shoes was so intense that I had to step away and could only take it in small doses. This has been our life for 20 years and I know there are specifics David didn't share/ couldn't share because it is so horrifying to know the reality of everything your child is doing to obtain these drugs of choice. It was comforting in some strange way to be inside David's head and know that I'm not alone in thinking these things and more. It is also appalling that in this great country - which gives away everywhere - that it is so incredibly difficult to find help and rehabs for those with mental health issues or addictions. The daily battle is overwhelming. There should not be such a battle/war to find reputable, effective programs for help. 28 day programs - a load of crap. Nothing of true, long lasting value can be accomplished in 28 day programs. I still remember sitting in our first family session at a program - 20 years ago. Sitting in that circle that would become yet another dreaded part of this process and listening to people talk about it being their 4th, 5th, 6th time. Thinking there is no way possible OUR child, OUR family would ever be back here doing this again. We were a good family, had raised great kids and we would handle this and fix it during this one go round. I lost track of the rehabs, the programs, the jails, the prisons a long, long time ago. I also learned a lot along the way about the impacts of things birth parents did to impact a beautiful girls destiny. Not to absolve our own part of this - all parents make mistakes along the way. But just because you received the gift of this child while they were young - it doesn't remove damage done in the womb and even as a small infant. And that terrifies me for the two beautiful baby boys that my child had and gave up to some other loving family. I worry about the predisposition to addiction those beautiful boys have been sentenced to. You learn....constantly and painfully. David captures this in his amazing book. I am debating with myself now about sharing it with my daughter so perhaps she can finally see inside our minds and hearts and understand the depths of the fear, the anger, the pain, the destruction. I want to believe that might help her/us heal if she could ever understand this isn't all about her and her pain. God help me but it does come to a place where you are glad they are locked up somewhere because at least they are safe and for a little while you can sleep....you aren't waiting for a dreaded call to come with horrid news.....or waiting for calls to come just to know they are alive. You do truly begin to dread and hate a ringing phone. Enough already. This is a true must read for any family or person that knows and loves an addict. It would be a good read for those that don't - just for their understanding and education about how this plague of addiction affects people they interact with every day and yet may not even know the hell they are living. Thank you for writing this David. I felt like I was holding my breath throughout waiting to know that Nic was still alive and was making it. I'll be reading Nic's own story next.

..unless addiction is involved. Sheff captures that mixture of hope and despair living in each parent whose child has gone into the dark, deep hole of addiction. His book is full of joy and tragedy. Love and relief, ambiguity and disgust and dislike. And guilt, so much guilt. Guilt for feeling all the love and hope and despair. In this book Sheff touches on pretty much everything parents feel (or at least this parent) when their child goes over to the dark side.Very well written, spellbinding in its own way, the reader will have a hard time staying neutral to the players in this personal tragedy. Sheff admits that for years people have given well-meaning advice and criticism. You should have done this. Why on earth did you do that. Until and unless you've had to deal with HIS issues, there is no right or wrong. Sheff did the best he could at the time with the information he had, at that static moment in time. No parent can say they haven't done the same thing. And who knows if the result would have been the same after all?Siblings, family, partners and friends have their own experiences with their addict, but a parent is a bit different. As Sheff points out, we are the soft place for them to fall, the most influential people in their lives until we send them off into the world and their tiny circle widens to include day care workers, teachers, coaches and friends. As parents we hand them over, so to speak, and our sphere of influence diminishes as the years go by- as it should. The mistake Sheff made, and he freely admits it, is that he was under the impression that he had armed his child with the tools he needed to succeed, and when that seemed to fail, Sheff began to question what exactly he had done to contribute to that failure.It is common if not universal among the parents of addicted children to blame their parenting. Other people will also look first to the home environment. Sheff takes a long hard look at himself and his parenting, and still has a hard time forgiving himself for mistakes he made. But who doesn't make mistakes? Conversely, does that mean parents get to take the credit for every good thing their child does? Is it right for a parent to take credit for the successes or failures of their child? And failure and success are rather subjective anyhow. Sheff does not really address this, although he tries hard to forgive himself, which he should. I really hope he has succeeded.What struck a deep note with me was how accurately he describes the sea change in parenting expectations... one day you are thrilled to see an A in spelling and almost the next you wake up grateful that the police haven't knocked on your door telling you that your child is dead.I have not read Nic Sheff's book yet, I want to leave a little break between the two. But I highly recommend this book for anyone who has ever been touched by addiction of any kind. It won't do a thing to prevent addiction but it may give you a gleam of insight into the silent and desperate life of the friend, co-worker or relative who has a child in trouble.