What Remains: A Memoir of Fate, Friendship, and Love

I overlooked this book originally because I'm definitely not a "real housewives" fan. The few times I have watched the show, I've wanted the 60 minutes back so I can do something constructive with my life. I was more interested from the Carolyn Bessette Kennedy angle. Plus I am Carole Radziwill's age and I grew up with a mother who idolized Jackie Kennedy.I hardly ever write reviews but this book was so moving that I felt compelled to do so. Anyone who has lost someone suddenly or fought cancer will appreciate this book. But there's so much more to this book. It's a story of love and loss, working hard and fighting hard.This is why I like this book:1. It's a Cinderella story, and who doesn't love Cinderella stories? The bride was not unattractive, but by her own admission, she was not model material. As with most Cinderellas, she had no pedigree and her family was solidly middle-class. But unlike most formulaic Cinderella stories, it appears there was no Grand Recognition when they met for the first time while they worked on a project together for ABC. Carole even dubbed them most likely to not do anything together in the future and noted their many differences: neat night owl versus messy morning person, for instance. But over time he fell in love with her brains and personality, which was another reason to cheer her on and to love the story. The respect he had for her smarts --he trusted her with his life and she handled every aspect of his medical treatment-- is evident in their story.2. I understand biographies are self-centered by nature, but I generally find most "celebrity" stories, whether in book or interview form, tiresome to read. There's much humble-bragging about their "problems." to which most of the human race cannot relate, interspersed with a constant thread of I'm-so-wonderful. ( Gwyneth and Julia, anyone?) Carole's writing style is self-effacing and honest. She weaves a story of how fortune, both good and bad, has worked in her life and in the lives of others.3. I left this book with complete admiration of her writing. The story itself is heartbreaking. Over a very short time period she endured unimaginable losses. Her closest friend and her husband's closest friend died in a plane crash. Her husband's death from cancer followed three weeks later . Her husband's death was somewhat expected, but losing Carolyn and John Kennedy was not. How one would experience it, let alone write about it, I can't imagine, yet she does it in a way that is neither self-aggrandizing nor self-pitying. (And there is plenty of reason for self-pity, IMO.) She candidly recounts how illness and cancer strained her and her husband to their limits. She presents their struggles with illness and death in a realistically heart-breaking way. It kept my attention.4. Plenty has been written about Carolyn Bessette Kennedy as a coke-addled, brainless bimbo fashionista. In Carole's story, we see another side of CBK. Carole makes the case convincingly that Carolyn was a funny, delightful and loyal friend.5. The timeline is logical. Flashbacks should only be done if one is a skilled writer or has a skilled ghost writer. Christina Haag's novel jumped between time periods and it wasn't well done and I found it distracting. In addition, Haag's book was a yawner and I didn't finish it. Carole's novel starts with a dispassionate discussion of the plane crash, then to her Cinderella wedding. She goes back to spend a little time on her childhood and her close Italian family, then she discusses how her life intersected with Anthony and where they went from there. The book ends with a return to the plane crash, but by this time you've gone full circle and you see the emotional impact: she and Anthony were the second people to know John's plane had not arrived at the destination; she had to put the pieces together; she was the one who notified the Coast Guard and started the notification process to the family. Anyone who's had one of those calls late at night can relate to the anguish she and her husband must have been feeling.As an aside, I had a neutral/no opinion of the Kennedys prior to this book, but my opinion of them was not improved after reading this book. After John junior's sudden death, they circled the wagons and treated anyone who wasn't a blood relation callously. Two days after the crash Carole planned to go to a meeting with the Kennedys to discuss what to do about a funeral. She was going at the behest of Carolyn Bessette's mother. (Carole's husband Anthony was presumably too sick to attend.) Carole writes it was "gently explained" by the Kennedys that she, Carole, was not welcome to attend. She ultimately did not make the meeting due to a late plane, but she learned the Kennedys first wanted to bury John alone in the family plot and not include his wife Carolyn. (All three, Carolyn, John and Lauren Bessette, were ultimately buried at sea.) And while Caroline Kennedy, John Junior's sister, was close to Anthony, this hospitality was not extended to his wife.tldr: If you are interested in the Radziwills/Kennedys, you'll want to read this book. It's moving and well done.

I rarely write reviews on books because I feel that books are very subjective - they transport each of us to different places. But I felt compelled to write a review after finishing this book because I know that had I read this book when it was released, I would have given it one star...but a few life altering years later, I now give it five.I understand the reviews indicating that the book seemed self-congratulatory and that her feelings toward her husband seemed glib, if not downright cold. Again, feelings I would have shared upon the book's release. Now, I choose to applaud Ms. Radziwill for her candor and honesty.I watched my mother battle and succumb to a terrible rare, but deadly illness. Our lives were very much the same as Anthony's - one step forward, two steps back. But this is not about my situation, but rather, the lens I was able to use while reading it.This is a story of a woman who achieved a great deal of professional success and was on the cusp of the proverbial fairy tale. But life dealt her marriage a terrible blow with this devastating cancer that plagued them. It didn't come & stay...it came & went, again and again and again. I believe that, in & of itself, is terribly sad. You have dreams, you dismantle your dreams, you believe in them again, they are shattered again. Yes, I know many people face these difficulties & other hardships, but she is trying to explain how she lived and coped in her own personal way. I had deep appreciation for her willingness to discuss her gamut of feelings throughout those years. When an illness overwhelms your life personally, or by proxy, it is all consuming. It's 24/7. She gave a voice to the spectrum of emotions she felt.It was no secret that John Kennedy Jr. was her husband's cousin and best friend, so I'm astounded by the number of people who choose to view her relationship with Carolyn in a negative manner. She was illustrating a shared kinship of two girls from remarkably similar backgrounds who ended up royalty (actual and American) in the most fabled and studied family in modern America. I, personally, enjoyed how she humanized Carolyn, gave her a voice, let us get to know who she was. I loved their friendship and their support network.This, ultimately, is a book written by a woman who is grieving the loss of her husband and the sudden loss of her best friend. I honestly think that if you have not experienced one or the other that you will not fully appreciate this book, that you will, perhaps, "side" with the negative reviews. She states quite clearly that when you are grieving, what remains are your memories and your stories. Her catharsis is to share hers. As someone who watched the person I loved more than anyone else ravaged by a terrible illness for many years, I appreciated her candor. As someone who relied on my friendships to get through that time, I appreciated her willingness to tell her stories with Carolyn. I can't imagine losing the entire foundation of my personal life within mere weeks of each other.It's a beautiful tome to love, loss, and friendship - it's a book that sticks with you. I think it's a book that can be read and re-read at different times in our lives and appreciated in different ways. To me, that's the mark of a five star book.