She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

Educational and informative read. I would recommend this book.

This book was written by a man who truly understands the essentials of how to please a woman sexually. He has learned the art releasing female passion and satisfaction and describes how to do this in clear, easy to understand details. This book is a 'must read' for both men and women who want to know more about how to potentiate female sexual response,develop intimacy and deepen both emotion and physical bonds. It's a surprising reality that many, many women actually stop having sex in long-term relationships. Is actually common. By reading this book you'll be learning specific ways you can truly pleasure the woman already in your life or your prospective partner. Putting this info into practice and growing in skills of how to pleasure a woman will make it much more likely that your partner will be encouraged to engage in ongoing physical intimacy. Also, many women have never been informed about specifics of our anatomical structure in relation to sexuality. Women and men both can learn from this book more details about female physiology related to arousal and sexuality and what is actually 'normal' for most women. For example, there is a 'myth' that most women achieve orgasm primarily through penetration, and that this way is 'ultimate' and a sign of 'success.' This belief is actually not based in fact! If you want to find out more of what really DOES most bring most women to orgasm, read this book! Also, Ian has a 'tandem' book for women to learn more about male sexuality: "Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man." Ideally, in a relationship, both parties will read each of these books, openly discuss and enjoy 'practicing,' fumbling around and having fun while deepening together in passion, love and intimacy! Learning how to be an attentive, astute loving and skilled lover takes time and practice. Every woman is unique in her sexual expression. Having the willingness to admit that you don't know 'everything,' be open, enjoy being 'teachable' and to 'experiment' with using the knowledge from this book will definitely lead you down the path towards a happy and mutually satisfying intimate relationship.

I enjoyed the book and learned from it. I picked up some things to enhance my skill and my lovers pleasure. I think this is an excellent book for the squeemish, those afraid or relucatant to take the dive. It walks you through in quite some detail on just what to do. The anatomy lesson and tips to make use of it are very good. I think this book is an excellent first read, and you can incorporate other tips and techniques into the foundation he lays. Try it out an get your ladies opinion of what he teaches. I had some difficulty in the hard line he takes in his philosphy of the preferred position and the duration. Not totaly sure of his point, please your woman at all costs, pushing you to overcome any of your objections, or exactly what. I do think the idea of doing what it takes to please is good, you need to be a selfless lover, it will pay you back in kind. I do find a thrill and excitement in feeling my partner's pleasure roll through her. I gave it a 4 star more for his tone and dictatorial stance of his opinion, take it for what it is worth. There is good value in what he is talking about. Much most can learn. I felt I was plenty experienced, and I learned a many good things from this book.

“She Comes First” is very highly recommended. It has opened my eyes. It has significantly increased my confidence. It has made me a much better partner/lover. I stumbled upon the book while searching for "The Joy of Sex." At the time, I was newly divorced and in search of direction prior to re-entering the dating world. Based on the reviews, I purchased both books. Unfortunately, I read TJS first. It was somewhat enlightening, but nothing I would recommend. After sitting in my desk for more than a year, I read SCF. It was an eye-opener. I never realized how little I knew about the female anatomy. After reading the book I better understood why over the years women said I was "too fast" and/or "too rough." Although I was a little overwhelmed at times with the technical aspects of the book, the first time I put the techniques into practice I was shocked how easy it was to step up my game. I made a VERY GOOD first impression with the new woman in my life. The responses to my moves were overwhelming. For the first time, I felt like I knew what I was doing. Throughout the night and in to the early morning, I always prioritized her. My contentment took her by surprise. I truly focused on savoring all aspects of pleasing her instead of worrying about my needs/desires. Since this was our first time together, this approach went a long way towards allaying her concerns that my interest might be short-term. As a result, I have laid the ground work for building a key facet for a strong, long-term “relationship.” I stress relationship because the book is about much more than sex. It's a paradigm shift. Unfortunately, my ex-wife will never experience the benefits of my enlightenment. Our sex life was very routine/dull. Although SCF wouldn't have saved our marriage, it might have eliminated an Achilles heel we never discussed. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ P.S. - The more I practice, the better I be"come." So far, my record is providing five orgasms in one day, across two sessions. I have discovered three ways to GUARANTEE results. I have gone from an amatuer to an expert. Trust me, the techniques work wonders. MOST IMPORTANTLY, my insecurities are gone. Also, by prioritizing my lady-friend, I have rightly made her feel very special. SHE ALWAYS COMES FIRST, in and outside of the bed!!! This makes my life easier and enhances our relationship :-) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ P.P.S. - As recommended, candle light is essential!!!

This book is really well informed and contains lots of useful data and information that most of us IGNORE !!! do buy it and read it carefully !!! provides HOPE for all of us husbands desperate to try to make our wives happy ... whatever your "problem" is, you will find good advice in this book. I highly recommend it. The book is useful beyond the back-cover description !!!

Must read book for all men. I seriously recommend it to all men.

I learned a lot about the woman’s body and how to pleasure her multiple times… super interesting to read and reread ;)

A very well written book that delves into not just the physical activity but the reason and psychology behind it. A very informative book that every bloke should read.

I was looking for a book that would help me be kinkier and hopefully teach me something about the female anatomy and the ways they experience pleasure. I read all the great reviews and praises and it seemed ideal and highly readable so I decided to give She Comes First a chance over a multitude of books on this fascinating and delicious subject. I was worried it would be one of those sex books who have a lot of words but don't say or teach us much. The reason She Comes First works is because the author Ian Kerner (a sex therapist with a PhD) makes those uncomfortable guys comfortable with the idea of cunnilingus and tells us why and how we should go down. I find his approach to this book to be refreshing because he really thinks of it as making love, and has a pleasure-oriented approach and has no problem making his points and ideas come across and comes off as a respectful well-mannered and educated gentleman and not as a sex-obsessed pig. He doesn't see women as objects and his objective with this book is basically to help men enjoy and appreciate the vulva in a different way and teach us a few things. The author genuinely seems to be of help to men and women around the world and I thank him for this. Kerner succeeds at giving his audience the important resources and facts to know and doesn't rush in building up to the techniques and the action. He guides us through (and the 18 parts of the clitoris, that's right 18! Most of which you can't see). I suspect that even if you are a self-proclaimed expert you will learn from She Comes First and if you're a beginner this book will be of great help. Kerner talks about the clitoris as more than a love button and describes society as "Ill-cliterate". One of the best parts was the sings to recognize she is having an orgasm, often men can't tell the difference if she's a good screamer but the complete list that is given here is convincing and now I'm positive I can tell if a woman faked it with me. Some of the signs are obvious and some of them are not. There can also be times when you think she had or is about to orgasm but in reality you're scratching the surface and more time is needed. Kerner stresses a few times that the goal should be pleasure-oriented and not necessarily orgasm-oriented. A woman may not always orgasm but she will find it to be a pleasurable experience and want it more. The truth is there is a good percentage of women who can't get off simply on intercourse and oral is more pleasurable to them which is the entire premise of this work. The author stresses there are 3 parts to making love: foreplay, coreplay and moreplay, because if you're a male and you're done, chances are she's not. None of those should be overlooked, especially foreplay which unfortunately tends to be skipped by some men. There are three "acts" if you will, to She Comes First that combined make an excellent guide to oral sex and female orgasm and a fantastic read. That's probably the best part, the information is given in a manner that makes it captivating and interesting which some facts, statistics and cultural history thrown in. The book is NEVER a bore. One of my favorite parts is the following :"Hope is a fair maiden who slips through your hand. Recollection is a beautiful old woman of no use at the moment. Repetition is a beloved wife of whom one never tires of". On a side note the only thing this book could improve upon is the diagrams of the genitals, I would have liked there be one that shows the aroused vulva as the author describes it (although he gives a fine detailed description). More diagrams, especially in different states of arousal would have been a nice touch but what's here is fine. I liked the diagrams that showed how to perform some of the techniques. They're drawn very well, obviously they're not pictures of the real thing but the depiction goes well with the overall vibe of She Comes First. So ladies buy this book for your man, flip through it yourself and then "forget" it somewhere he will see it. Gents, you be well equipped to have this book in your possession... and read it. It's devoted entirely to her pleasure and you know she'll love it. Just remember it's about HER and not your EGO, take your time and make sure what's done really is done before you pat yourself on the back (if someone should do that it's her). The least She Comes First will do is make you realize that cunnilingus is often necessary for a female to orgasm, is pleasurable for both the male and female and give you techniques and tell you on specific areas to concentrate on. Excellent read, very recommended 5/5.