Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity

As a mother of grown sons, it became apparent to me when they were in elementary school that something had changed in attitude and curriculum regarding the education of boys. The change started as a bit of a zero sum game between the boys and girls. Girls had been overwhelmed in many aspects of schooling by the sheer energy and space required by their male counterparts. Boys broke things. They were more physical and needed playgrounds and equipment. They were less verbal and cerebral than the girls and from a teachers prospective no doubt more of a teaching challenge. They relished competition and created teams during play. This required more supervision. Eventually managing this behavior was no longer optimal. Punishing became the norm. In reading this book I cringed for where boys are today in the educational system altho I'm not sure that the author intended that to be the takeaway. Their are no base lines in either gender for appropriate, respectful behavior. There is no moral compass or guide. The author describes a sexual Lord of the Flies circus that is adolescence. Everyone has their own truth, therefore there is no truth. Critical thinking is mean because a judgement would require judging. Behavioral accountability is not a goal only an unintended consequence. The author throws in references to Trump, Kavanaugh & the Christian Right as if it is self evident that these things are all part of the cause of young males losing their way in a hook up culture that contains few if any boundaries. In my view, schools that ban Mark Twain and Harper Lee yet allow kids to sit in class surfing hard porn are a large part of the cause of this lasting harm to our youth. The author does not mention this. Young people who are terrified of asking someone on a date but not of copulating in a semi private drunken house party are the product of what we have created at home & in schools. The author quotes studies and interviews of young boys and men but this book is superficial and uses a political lense in reaching many of these conclusions. This takes away from the seriousness of the topic. I would say as a result, that this book is only marginally informative. I had hoped for more.

This book isn't just great, it's necessary. So many people are talking about boys -- what they think, what they say, why they do the things they do -- but very few people bothered to ask them directly. Peggy Orenstein did that and the answers she received are equal parts terrifying, enlightening, and essential if we're ever going to positively reframe manhood. Wondering why men belittle women in the locker room, call everything bad "gay," and can't seem to connect with other men? Read this book and find out straight from the source. This should be required reading for everyone--not just boys or parents of boys. Because this impacts all of us, and Orenstein captures it by doing the important work of actually talking to our boys.

Peggy is a fantastic writer with an amazing perspective on changing and growing gender norms. Everyone should read this book even if they think they don't need to. It's informative and thoughtful and so, so helpful in trying to navigate gender dynamics in the new age and help young men everywhere be the best they can be.

Peggy Orenstein has written what is sure to become a literary touchstone of the decade. Her unflinching look inside hookup culture and the world of online porn serves as a wakeup call to parents and educators in the #MeToo era. After chronicling the issues facing girls for 25 years, Orenstein turns her attention to boys, who also suffer--but in different ways--from patriarchal norms and expectations, to their emotional detriment. I couldn't put the book down. As an educational psychologist and consultant, I am thrilled to place this new book at the top of my list of resources I suggest to parents and teachers. "Boys & Sex" is going to change our culture for the better, to the benefit of kids of all genders...and the adults who love them. I could not recommend it more highly!

I noticed a few years ago that among boys I’d known most of their lives, by the time they got to junior high, there was only one acceptable way to be a boy. These boys were forced to shoehorn themselves into a narrow box of masculine behavior, and it was so sad to watch. I’ve since seen the studies showing that the boys who most internalize these behaviors are more likely to binge-drink, be in car accidents, suffer depression, and even die by suicide. This book suggests some concrete ways to parent/coach/teach our boys, and help them live happier, healthier lives.If the idea of discussing sex, relationships, and societal norms around masculinity makes you uncomfortable, imagine how uncomfortable it would be to have to call an attorney to try to get your son out of trouble. Parents, we have to do better for our kids than one quick conversation with vague instructions like “Respect women.” My favorite thing about this book is her empathy toward the boys she interviews. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.

Good textbook

Peggy Orenstein's "Girls and Sex" (2016) was an eye-opening glimpse into the world of the emergent sexuality of a generation - and it sparked important conversations world-wide. Her new look at "Boys and Sex" offers a similarly potent exploration of how boys think and act at this critical age. Whether you have boys or girls (or if you have a child that is questioning their sexuality) the intimate and careful portrait of these kids in this time is a crucial perspective on parenting in this digital age. A must read - Peggy is the most empathetic journalist possible, and her work looking how kids are growing up right now is important work. A great read with a vital message.

Teaching your kids about positive relationships has never been more challenging and Peggy Orenstein does a great job of anchoring positive feelings to the experiences. It's going to be a bumpy ride for these kids but with this sage advice for the parents, we're better equipped to face it.

Very good and worthy book to read when raising boys but also when raising girls. As a feminist most of this was nothing new but the stuff about hook up culture was sad and shocking for me to read.

I highly recommend this book! Orgenstein does a masterful job of presenting the stories of North American teen and young adults in the 21st century: the pressure to blend in, the aversion to awkwardness, the role alcohol plays in hookup culture, and the intentional ambiguity of the term "hookup". She intentionally includes the experience of the queer community and those of African, Asian, and Latino descent. While Orgenstein mostly focuses on the experiences of young men who have done harm, either wittingly or unwittingly, she does also include the perspective of those who have been assaulted themselves, and includes some frank discussion of male anatomy and misconceptions therein. Throughout it all, Orgenstein challenges assumptions, focuses on the importance of language and relationships, and suggests some paths forward to break the cycle.