How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

I was hesitant in providing a review but this book truly is a gem, in the sense that it will certainly change the field of mental health for the better. Curious to follow Dr Nicole LePera and her work, I couldn’t help but feel connected but also highly skeptical. As a clinically and research trained Psychologist, the deep rooted skepticism of new theories is inevitable: “but this isn’t what we were taught exactly” and “well how do we change the way conceptualize trauma from what we’ve learned and is it evidenced based?” and many other questions arose. Even my colleagues rolled their eyes when I mentioned it and repeated phrases such as “it’s just a fad, it strays from traditional practices.” And those responses...only lured me deeper into wanting to better understanding Nicole’s perspective. I bought the book. I began reading and felt who I am personally, while setting aside who I am professionally, naturally gravitate and feel seen within the content in this book. Nicole does a profoundly eloquent job in highlighting what many of us professionals struggle to conjure up for our patients. She bravely redefines Trauma and challenges old ideas to incorporate new thought in relation to current times. Trauma is real, it remains poorly understood and many people experience it. Nicole offers a new lens to conceptualize. Transparency is a key component of being a good therapist. For me, this book allowed me to reconnect with my own theories of trauma, Core beliefs, self-regulation, and attachment. It’s rare for doctoral programs to redirect self-conceptualization to the doctoral trainee. “Becoming self-aware” is not in their curriculum. It’s “focus on the patient, follow traditional theories, be ethical etc.” but never once do they look to the student and ask “how self-aware are you in your own trauma and how do you think this will impact your work as a therapist?” And I resonated with Nicole’s take on being a doctoral student and feeling lost in the overachieving, performance driven and “follow the protocol” energy of therapist. And it’s tiring so much so that we are bound to lose ourselves before we have a chance to ever find it- let alone- help to find themselves too. Nicole writes this book for many kinds of readers which is beyond helpful and powerful. More people can finally understand what’s going on with feeling disconnected from the self and learn ways to feel more connected. I think I am able to finally view my own vulnerabilities more clearly and allow myself to cultivate them into strengths that will translate into better helping my patients. This book will undoubtedly be a staple in the way I conceptualize who I am both personally and professionally. Thank you LePera. You’re creating a new wave of thought, a powerful way of treating the self, and redefining what it means to heal. And to my colleagues, it’s not a fad, just tap in and see for yourself.

Loved this book

I didn’t expect a book to hit this hard. But How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera wasn’t just something I read — it became something I worked through. This book helped me start healing in ways I didn’t even know I needed. I’ve always considered myself someone who reflects a lot, but this book pushed me to go deeper. Much deeper. What stood out most were the questions at the end of each chapter. They weren’t your typical “think about this” kind of prompts. They were real, sometimes uncomfortable, and always honest. I’d find myself staring at a page thinking, “Do I really want to go there?” And then I would. And that’s where the growth happened. Some of the reflections brought tears. Others brought relief. Many brought clarity. Patterns, Triggers, and That Voice in My Head LePera’s breakdown of childhood conditioning, trauma bonds, emotional addiction, and the inner child made things click for me. I started to see how old patterns were still playing out in my relationships, in my thoughts, and in the way I react to stress. I used to overthink, catastrophize, and replay situations in my mind over and over. This book helped me see that those habits weren’t just quirks — they were coping mechanisms. Protective strategies. And most importantly, they were things I could actually shift with awareness and intention. The Journal Became a Lifeline I kept a journal next to me as I read each chapter. I wasn’t just underlining things (though I did a lot of that too); I was answering the questions, processing my responses, and starting to untangle the stories I had carried for years. Prompts like: “What beliefs about yourself did you inherit from your caregivers?” “Where are you abandoning yourself in order to be accepted?” “What would it look like to give yourself permission to feel safe?” …these were more than exercises. They opened doors. Some I didn’t even know were closed. Not Just for Therapists, Coaches, or Leaders You don’t need to be in a helping profession or leadership role to benefit from this book. You just need to be ready — or even curious — about healing. LePera doesn’t sugarcoat it. Healing is not easy or quick. But her writing is clear, compassionate, and based in both research and lived experience. She gives examples from her own life that make the process feel human and relatable. Final Thoughts How to Do the Work is the kind of book that can be read slowly, with a pen in hand and a quiet room. It’s also one you’ll probably return to, especially as your awareness grows. I recommend it to anyone who: Feels stuck in emotional loops or unhealthy relationships Wants to understand themselves better Is ready to start journaling with purpose Is curious about trauma, self-worth, boundaries, or identity Just wants to feel a little less alone For me, this book came at the right time — and I’m really glad I was willing to do the work.

The book is very well researched and well written. The author had a troubled childhood and talks genuinely with deep insights that I connected with very much. Highly recommended.

I started reading my copy from it’s release date and purposely took my time finishing it. Three months later, after putting lessons in practice, doing journal prompts, and assessing myself afterwards, I can honestly say this book has helped me heal from my own personal trauma and feel more authenticity for myself. However, this book is not for everyone, and the author makes you well aware of that fact early on. To put it bluntly, this is not an easy read. I found the content to be very technical and the terminology to be hard to comprehend. (This will definitely act as a reference book as I learn more moving forward.) Additionally, the stories and questions in here will prompt you to think of things you’ve set aside in your subconscious because they were too uncomfortable or painful to remember, and it asks you to take responsibility in your own healing. The title says it all and if you’re not prepared to “do the work,” this isn’t your book. It’s a commitment to yourself and, because the work is never done, it’s a continuous practice you learn to do. My only gripe with this book was the very brief mentions of BIPOC and how this particular paradigm shift in mental health could affect this community. Don’t get me wrong, she touches on this topic a few times within the book, but it would be interesting to learn more — perhaps from a more qualified (BIPOC) perspective within the field. Overall, I thought it was an enjoyable read and it gave me plenty to think about.

Amazing book. Every chapter was meaningful. Get yourself a journal along with this book and do the work!

Absolutely loved this book! It gave me a whole new picture of how different our life can be if we change our perspective! It helped me heal some of my biggest traumas as well!

The value of this book depends a lot on who is reading it and what moment of their life they are in. I am happy that it helped me a lot. At some point it became a bit unnecessary. But then I gifted it to someone who I thought needed it. I don’t know if they will ever think it could be useful, I just hope they remember this book is around if they ever need it.

Eye-opening, heartwarming and sometimes very uncomfortable in a good way. A book to return to as you evolve. Loved it.

This is a beautifully written, and highly insightful book. If I could give it 10 stars, I would. Not only does it contain a lot of really useful information about how to work with and work through past traumas, but there are numerous tools that can easily and quickly be put into practice. Dr Nicole Lepera speaks from her own experience and that shines through in her writing. Initially, I discovered Dr Lepera via the YouTube channel The Holistic Psychogist, and I was so impressed with what I saw and heard that I decided to order her book. It's a true balm for the soul and I'm certain many, many people will be hugely benefitted from reading it.