Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

For the past four months, I have been diligently practicing mindfulness and accepting my emotions, even showing compassion for emotions such as anger and fear. The approach of self-compassion complements mindfulness training (as taught by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Thich Nhat Hahn among others) very, very well indeed. In fact, it seems that our society cultivates the exact opposite, going hard on one's self and evaluating one's self in an overly critical manner is the norm. In practicing these principles, I have emerged from year long depression and anxiety to regain my life. These techniques have helped see the gift of my depression and anxiety. Through practicing the wisdom of self-compassion and mindfulness diligently I have begun to find true strength, beyond the complement-recognition-dependent limitations of self-esteem. When did we stop being as understanding, compassionate, caring and loving to ourselves as we are to those we love dearly? How can we recharge ourselves after working so hard at our jobs and trying so very hard to do everything right? Our inner critic, it seems, is never satisfied and continues to find fault although we have long earned recognition. Apart from that we are as perfect as we were the day we were born - when did we stop seeing ourselves in that light? Herein lies the rub, for in neglecting, punishing and criticizing ourselves, we are compelled to try to fill this empty void through excessive consumption of food, products, relationships, attention-seeking. The result is catastrophic, despite rampant consumption and the destruction of the environment, depression and mental illness are on the rise! Our inner critic continues to devour any praise and complements our self-esteem gets - if we turn the tables as Kristen Neff suggests, the result is the kind of profound, lasting change we have been wanting all our lives and it is painfully simple! Each and every one of us deserves this. Kristen Neff has done a very thorough job of presenting this invaluable wisdom as practiced, among other sources, in the Buddhist Tradition (it is also conveyed in many other faiths, philosophies etc.). She does so in a very human, humorous and enjoyable manner, which makes this book a true pleasure to read. If you are devoted to improving your life experience and that of those you love, please begin by accepting and loving yourself - flaws and all - then you can unleash your true power as a compassionate, loving, accepting being and genuinely help your loved ones, society and the world all in one. May the wisdom of this book help many to heal themselves, the rest will take care of itself.

I began reading Self-Compassion two days ago and I am astonished. Astounded. I cannot believe that in all my years of extensive, detailed therapy not one of my excellent therapists ever recommended these exercises. I am Bipolar with Histrionic tendencies and have struggled all my life with my self-image and an eating disorder. Guilt has always been my default emotion. Shame. All the things that one stuffs down with food. Or alcohol. Or shopping. Or any reckless, impulsive behavior meant to stuff feelings down so we DON'T FEEL them. And when I don't feel my feelings, I PUNISH myself. This has been going on all my life. This book is changing my entire outlook, without confusing me or SCARING me to death. This is because it is so straightforward and common sense. I feel Empowered. And almost Brave. This does not read as a medical/scientific text and I tend to be highly skeptical about these sorts of books. However, with this book I find few, if any, intellectual objections to the manner in which it is written or in how the studies and source material are not cited until the "notes" at the end. (This seems to be increasingly common and I often find it hard to stick with a book when the author is not forthcoming with sources within the text itself.) But in this case, I am not bothered the lack of in-text acknowledgement of source material because there's really not anything to OBJECT TO or call into question within the text. All of the advice is sound. I've not read anything (so far) that is harmful or suspect. The exercises are so simple and the advice will set your brain to sparking, esp. if you have a spiritual bent as do I. I am eager to work my way through the rest of the book and am pacing myself so that I don't do too much at once. I will check back in when I am finished. Buy this book and see if it helps you as much as it is helping me.

A great book

This is a must read for anyone on their own journey of creating a fuller and more content life. I have so many great takeaways and loved the prompts. It is good to take this one slow to fully process. There were times that some of it was a bit verbose but overall great book.

i absolutely love this book. The author does a great job of sounding personal with vignettes, offering low risk thought prompts. and many real-life examples that shows how the information may apply to you. I actually bought the free kindle version during a sale, and enjoyed it so much that I bought the hard copy. Sometimes, I would start the chapter believing the topic she was describing didn't apply to me. And, at face value, it didn't. However, she frequently goes on and provides different childhood experiences or interpersonal interactions that lead to the same mal-adaptive thinking that is self-deprecating. And follows that up with helpful quotes and questions to work within ourselves to be kinder to ourselves. If you are someone in their early stages of unpacking their negative self-talk, can't or isn't ready to have those types of hard talks with a therapist out loud, this book is a great step in the right direction. Forewarning, I haven't finished the book because sometimes the chapters hit me deeper than expected and I'm left crying so be aware that you might experience that too :) The author was also on an NPR Hidden Brain episode which I listened to and thought was good.

Did not realize the importance of self compassion, the knowledge shared in this book is life changing. I have also taken part in the online exercises, quite helpful.

“The research that my colleagues and I have conducted over the past decade shows that self-compassion is a powerful way to achieve emotional well-being and contentment in our lives. By giving ourselves unconditional kindness and comfort while embracing the human experience, difficult as it is, we avoid destructive patterns of fear, negativity, and isolation. At the same time, self-compassion fosters positive mind-states such as happiness and optimism. The nurturing quality of self-compassion allows us to flourish, to appreciate the beauty and richness of life, even in hard times. When we soothe our agitated minds with self-compassion, we’re better able to notice what’s right as well as what’s wrong, so that we can orient ourselves toward that which gives us joy. . . . You can’t always have high self-esteem and your life will continue to be flawed and imperfect—but self-compassion will always be there, waiting for you, a safe haven. In good times and bad, whether you’re on top of the world or at the bottom of the heap, self-compassion will keep you going, helping you move to a better place. It does take work to break the self-criticizing habits of a lifetime, but at the end of the day, you are only being asked to relax, allow life to be as it is, and open your heart to yourself. It’s easier than you might think, and it could change your life.” ~ Kristin Neff from Self-Compassion I first heard about Kristin Neff and her work from Brené Brown—who is a huge (!) fan. And I can see why Brené is such a big fan. Kristin is awesome. Kristin is one of the world’s leading researchers on self-compassion. In fact, she is the one who first established self-compassion as a field of study almost a decade ago—bringing the Buddhist practice of self-compassion into her labs so the benefits could be empirically validated. Very cool stuff. The book walks us through the scientific research underpinning the why’s and how’s of cultivating our self-compassion and is packed with theoretical and practical goodness. Let's explore some of my favorite Big Ideas: 1. Self-Compassion Defined - The three key components. 2. #1. Self-Kindness - Be nice to yourself! 3. #2 Common Humanity - We're all in this together. 4. #3 Mindfulness - Seeing reality clearly. 5. Suffering = Pain x Resistance. Self-kindness + common humanity + mindfulness does the trick to boost our self-efficacy and boost our shot at achieving our dreams!

This book is a game changer in how we talk to ourselves. It walks you through treating yourself like you treat your best friend. A must read for all self critical people!

This book is great but I like the author's new book on burnout more because I find it a bit more relevant to today's problems, clearer and more concise, and updated with the author's newer concepts of tender and fierce concepts of self compassion.

This book has some revolutionary ideas, I can’t believe how something so simple can be so effective. I’ve been able to mindfully practice self compassion for a few weeks now and it has changed my life and my outlook on life. The book is beautifully written and it’s just such a joy to read. It has also mentioned another book, on nonviolent communication which I now practice too in conjunction to self compassion. Im so grateful for this book!

Excellent!

Got the book in a bad condition The cover of the book is wrinkled and torn in some places For this price it’s very bad quality

It is the kindest gentlest book I've ever read, it is nicer to me than I've ever been to myself! And that is basically the idea behind self-compassion. The hard part is putting it into practice! Easy to read and keeps your interest; definitely not one of those new age psychology books that just has you thinking positively and telling you that putting on your rose colored glasses is the secret to being happy. That's the great part, this book give you permission to be sad, and give yourself a hug and tell yourself that things really suck right now but it will be OK, while most of our self talk usually just tell us to "get over it.. and fast"....it's so mean when you think about it! Also, I've found that this book has made me more compassionate towards strangers, and a better friend to those who are going through a hard time themselves. It is not the end all strategy, but definitely a powerful tool to have in your in your tool kit for life.