Awoken

Every once in awhile I come across a book that's so amazing and wonderful I want everyone I know to read it. And every once in awhile I come across a book so horrific and terrible that I warn everyone I know to stay as far away from it as possible. Very, very rarely do I find a book that manages to straddle both sides of the line, one that's so stunningly yet perfectly BAD that I want to push a copy towards my friends and go "you HAVE to read this garbage, it's hysterical!" Well, folks, "Awoken" falls into that category, and has won a special place in my heart. It is awful -- deliberately so, splendidly and gloriously so -- and so perfectly encapsulates everything wrong with the state of YA literature (especially the paranormal romance genre popularized by "Twilight" and its ilk) that it becomes downright hilarious. Andromeda Slate, aka Andi, is your average angsty teen girl who loathes having to move from sunny San Diego to drab and boring Portsmouth, Rhode Island. She's whiny and obnoxious, especially to her marine biologist parents and her best friends, the chipper and spunky Bree and the put-upon nice guy Vik. She thinks life can't get any worse... until she reads aloud from the fabled Necronomicon on a dare. Soon after, a new boy shows up at her school, Riley Bay -- a boy who has also shown up in her dreams. And Riley is hiding a horrific secret -- he's not human, but an eldritch being who has the power to end all existence, the dreaded Cthulhu! But Andi finds herself drawn to Riley anyhow, and soon their spark of interest ignites a firestorm of romance, conspiracy, and danger that could destroy humanity... and worse, break Andi's heart forever. This is pretty much an open secret by now, but "Awoken" is actually a parody of the paranormal romance genre, written under the alias of Serra Elinsen but actually penned by YouTube personality Lindsay Ellis and her friends to mock "Twilight" and its slew of copycat paranormal romances. (Look up the video series "50 Shades of Green" for more information.) Without this knowledge, it's easy to dismiss "Awoken" as yet another badly written supernatural romance, one that just happens to substitute Cthulhu for the usual vampire/werewolf/demon/angel/whatever love interest. And while this book strives to be as gloriously over-the-top as possible in every way, it's kind of sad to realize that there are just as over-the-top "Twilight" copycats that were meant to be taken dead seriously. All that said... "Awoken" is gloriously horrible. Every flaw and cliche of the YA paranormal romance genre is cranked up to eleven and ruthlessly mocked, from the creepy stalker love interest (who actually escalates to kidnapping in this book!) to the friends and family who want to separate the two lovebirds but are seen as villains by the protagonist, from the utterly helpless and personality-free protagonist whose entire existence revolves around the love interest to the love triangle involving a likable nice guy who ends up twisted into a villain by the whims of the plot. It revels in its own awfulness, never pulling punches or trying to pretend it's anything but a crappy and creepy paranormal romance novel, and somehow that makes it all the more glorious. Lovecraft fans will probably get their shorts in a knot over how this book treats the Cthulhu mythos, especially since some of the mythology of Lovecraft's work gets botched (perhaps deliberately?) along the way. As a fan of Lovecraft myself (though not nearly as hardcore as some), I actually enjoyed this work, and found myself grinning like an idiot at some of the references and at the thought of the Elder Gods and other entities of the Lovecraft universe being one big dysfunctional yet likable family. Cthulhu being a mighty entity struggling to hold onto his disguise as an ordinary teenage boy is utterly hilarious, and the sinister Nyarlathotep is actually halfway likable as the snarky, wisecracking Uncle Neil... and also serves as the story's token "too awesome for this story, why isn't the book about him?" character. The authors really pulled no punches in mocking "Twilight" and its ilk here... I usually don't bother to give badly written books -- even ones badly written on purpose -- five stars. But "Awoken" is a magnificent exception to the rule. It's a splendid mockery of the worst traits of the YA romance genre, as well as a playful ribbing of Lovecraft and other cosmic horror in the process, and while I found myself eye-rolling in places I was laughing as I was rolling my eyes. This is the kind of awful that leaves me grinning stupidly, like "The Room" or "Plan 9 From Outer Space," and is so wonderfully terrible that it deserves to be read by everyone who's ever wanted to throw a copy of "Twilight" or "Hush, Hush" or "House of Night" across the room in an angry frenzy. Now when are we getting that sequel...

Let me first say that I am not much of a YA reader. Any enjoyment I got from reading Twilight was simply because of the unintentional hilarity of the cardboard-cutout characters and the sappy, unrealistic melodrama. Every YA novel to come out afterwards for the next couple years seemed to be rehashing that same formula almost word-for-word but with slight tweaks to the one-dimensional characters, including the distinguishing trait of the romantic lead that makes him enticingly mysterious and non-human. But this, my friends! This is an Opus! The writing is drivel, and yet it's absolutely brilliant. The characters are bland and insipid, yet entirely memorable for reasons you might not expect. And the cherry on top of this sundae? The final brushstroke on La Jaconde? I'll give you a hint: it starts with a C and ends with a thulhu. How you want to take this story is up to reader interpretation, but if you have ever read a YA novel you'll notice from the get-go that our auteur treads some familiar ground. Liberal use of adverbs and comparisons like this one that make absolutely no sense, yet make perfect sense because Kaleidoscope C'thulhu Eyes are Dreamy. The main character is a blank slate (appropriately named Andromeda Slate) whose shoes the standard YA reader could easily slip into like a comfy pair of slippers. Her eventual boytoy is a hunk named Riley who is described at one point as having an underwear model's body. Vik fills the role of the ethnic friend with a not-so-secret crush on the protagonist. Bree is the good-spirited but ultimately fussy best friend whose most defining character trait is the amount of cake she shovels into her pie hole on any given day. I won't give the villain away because I don't want to ruin the suspense for any potential readers, but she's about as campy as they come - one-dimensional with a motive that is never remotely explained, but evil as the lovechild of Ganondorf and Cruella de Vil. You're welcome for that mental image. Ironically, all of these negatives combine together to make this one hell of an enjoyable read. The characters are like their YA compadres on steroids: Andi Slate is 10x more irritating and helpless than Bella ever was, and Riley embodies the possessive, abusive tendencies that YA romances have so often been denounced for and takes them to the extreme. He FLAYS PEOPLE'S MINDS in her defense and all Andi can think of is how hot he looks in his gray FUGU T-shirt. This is Shakespearean caliber writing here, people. The plot makes sense and moves at a reasonable pace throughout. Best of all are the melodramatic scenes which I won't quote here because I don't want to spoil the magic of this stellar piece of fiction. As every review before mine has mentioned, there are things to enjoy about this book besides the WTF-ery of its premise. Uncle Neil is an amazing character on so many levels, and I will second what others have said about making him a prominent character in the sequels. Bravi, bravi, bravissimi, Madame Elinsen. Bottom line: whether you love the genre or hate it, give this one a try or C'thulhu will make you lose your mind.

truely one of the greatest pieces of literature i have ever read you can feel the love oozing from the pages

Serra Elinsen is a literary genius! Her novel speaks intimately to my inner one-dimensional pastiche of a teenage girl that I never knew I had. The character Andi is brilliantly written: she has so few discernible traits that I can easily slip my own personality into her empty shell and conclude that SHE IS ME. And omigod, Riley is like the most romantic guy ever written. The way he talks about Andi like she is a minuscule spec of dust compared to him makes my heart pound with exhilaration! I've already begun writing my magnum opus fanfic based on Awoken. It is derivative enough that I don't have to have any real writing ability, but just different enough to get around plagiarism laws so I can make my own millions off portraying unhealthy teen relationships as the epitome of romance.

It's terrible and wrong in so many ways. I actually had to put the book down at the "licks her spit on his lips" scene (you know the one), ew! I spent the whole book wishing the book was about the supporting cast instead (looking at you, uncle Neil). Or written for their point of view because, really, the main characters are terrible, terrible people that deserve each other. tl;dr: Romance is dead and this book pissed on its tomb. I loved it.

Elinsen blends the subtle dread of an uncaring universe with the absurdity of some young adult fantasy, creating a tale that is both a satire of paranormal romance and Lovecraftian horror. When Andi Slate has a dream about a broodingly handsome boy saving her from a sea monster, she thinks it’s just a manifestation of her phobia of drowning. Until what she could swear is the same boy not only transfers to her high school but seems to recognise her in turn—and deeply dislike her. As her ordinary life is disrupted by tales of Elder Gods waiting to take back the Earth, true histories of creation, and of a prophecy that she will save the world, Andi faces the greatest question of all: is he the love of her life? Centring around an ordinary young woman discovering that the boy who seems horrible is in fact dreamy, that he is not actually human, and that she is unique rather than ordinary, the skeleton of the book is classic young adult paranormal romance. However, rather than the usual vampires, werewolves, or other mythological creatures, Elinsen’s paranormal entities are the dread gods and eldritch beings of Lovecraft’s Yog-Sothothery. Thus the stakes are not merely avoiding punishment by or taking power from a cruel regime, but avoiding all humanity being destroyed by a new configuration of reality itself, and the events play out on a vaster scale—and yet still somehow almost completely within the narrow geographical and social confines of Andi’s school and town. The disjunction between the vastness of the consequences and the closeness of the setting is entirely deliberate, as—while Elinsen skilfully builds toward it rather than presenting the reader with obvious fact from page one—this is a satire of young adult paranormal romance stereotypes: the protagonist is even more convinced she is ordinary; Riley is even more rude and secretive; and their romance is even more fated yet prone to collapsing into self-doubt. Depending on a reader’s perspective on the classic young adult romance arc, the author’s knowing wink that all the angst is a bit ridiculous might or might not make this one enjoyable to readers who usually avoid them. However, although the fizzing tension of teenage angst and the unfeasibleness of destiny are deliberately built for effect, there is a strong foundation of plot beneath the exaggeration: scenes follow a rational progression, the absurd or impossible comes from a consistent—if Lovecraftian—metaphysics, and the denouement (ironically) might rely less on the protagonist’s actions than some young adult fiction. Thus, while not sparing the blushes of it’s target, this book is a novel in itself rather than merely a series of funhouse mirrors held up to other novels. The echo of R’lyeh in Riley is similarly deliberate. Elinsen’s mythos has a humanised, chibified presence that puts Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep, and other entities within comprehensible, even pleasant, forms and personalities including a teenage “sister” of Cthulhu with cool hair. However, as with the satire of young adult paranormal romance, the Yog-Sothothery is not merely a thin layer sufficient to carry a joke: perhaps the clearest example is that, while Neil the proprietor of a curiosity shop does not present the same unsettling horror as the eponymous character of Lovecraft’s ‘Nyarlathotep’, he displays the same qualities of sardonic opaqueness and giving apparent aid that contains the possibility to make things much worse. In a story where everything is allowed to veer into absurdity, the reclaiming of the Earth by the Old Ones when the stars are right and the broader power of Lovecraft’s gods is played straight, as a real and incomprehensible threat that doesn’t stutter or succumb to human reason. This both adds another layer to the joke—Elinsen’s afterword to a book that directly opposes the impossibility of meaningful interaction central to Lovecraft’s cosmicism states her goal was ensuring the work was true to his vision—and makes it a surprisingly interesting perspective on how the sort of humans who would be drawn to worship or otherwise seek Lovecraft’s gods might experience the intersection. Andi is a well-crafted protagonist for the book, although some readers might find her frequent internal protestations of ordinariness and unworthiness occasionally unengaging despite their appositeness to the joke. Her phobia of the sea, although unashamedly present as a challenge to romancing a being who rests beneath the ocean, is treated sympathetically rather than as farce and is given a plausible source; thus, while a parody of young adult heroines, she is rounded enough not to be merely the stereotype. The supporting cast is similarly formed of stereotypes with a light dusting of individuality: best friends who shift from closeness to utter dislike to closeness in the briefest period, parents who are massive obstacles yet are barely seen, jocks who commit horrendously cruel acts under cover of pranks, college boys who are all shirtless abs and beach bonfires, and the other achingly central pillars of the teen-centric universe. Overall, I enjoyed this novel. I recommend it to readers interested in a Lovecraftian comedy that acknowledges the absurdity without abandoning the underlying dread.

If you liked twilight but were aware that it is a little bit stupid you will love this book! Andi is deeply insecure and thinks her existance is as inconsequential as can be. Riley is the most unexpected of all his fellow YA romance supernatural hotties. The side characters are amazing and so funny. This book is a very special lovestory.